Grandparenthood; Legacy and Heritage
Donald E. Schmitz
St. Mary’s University
Independent Study HDIS3G
December, 1999


                                     

                                                             Introduction
When my oldest son and daughter in law became parents to our two granddaughters and lived in a neighboring community, I was the happiest grandparent around. I could stop in and visit and leave when I wanted. Life was grand. Later, I became confused when they all moved to Sweden. A year after being in Sweden, they gave birth to our third granddaughter. We were unable to even see her for three months! How was I going to have an impact on my grandchildren? How was I to share in my son’s life-I was still a parent too. This is not the way I pictured being a grandparent. This isn’t the way I was brought up. Life as a grandparent was no longer grand but I knew I would find a way to continue to be an excellent grandparent.

I left my job and went back to school looking for more to life. At the same time I was talking to other people my age and finding they had some of the same questions I did. They too were confused about their newfound role as grandparents. This paper is my attempt to find some answers to my many questions. 

I hope to use this information in some way in creating a new business opportunity. The concepts of legacy and heritage are extremely important. The future role of grandparenthood is a big question for the American Society in particular. Knowing how to help their children and their grandchildren remains a big question. By understanding our heritage and legacy we will more complete and aid our children and grandchildren in the process. 

Teaching this information to grandparents, I believe will add value to the role of grandparents and give grandchildren a strong legacy and heritage for their future.

In order to do this study I have divided my study into six parts:

1. Explain why the role of the grandparent has changed so dramatically in the past fifty years
2. Point out some of the roles of grandparents today
3. Identify the importance of values in our legacy and heritage
4. Divide Legacy into two parts: Non-economical and Economical
5. Present a summary of my conclusions
6. Provide an example of an Ethical Will

1.The Changing Grandparent

According to the U.S. Government (1992), “There are currently 58 million grandparents in our country with a projected 98 million grandparents by the year 2020”. (p.1) According to Foster Cline (1994), “The average grandparent has three to four grandchildren. Grandparents are living longer than ever before”(p.48) With fewer grandchildren and a longer life expectancy, the role of grandparents and even great grandparents has changed dramatically during this century. But in America particularly, grandparents have played a smaller role. 

Arthur Kornhaber wrote (1996), “A historical and cross cultural inquiry into Grandparenting status and roles reinforces the impression that unrest and confusion concerning Grandparenting are primarily an American phenomena” (p.26) I never hardly knew my grandparents and not because they lived in another country but because they had such a big family.

One of my grandmothers had forty-three grandchildren. My mother has twenty-three grandchildren. Yet, I estimate that I will have no more than nine grandchildren and that is high compared to my friends! Simply by numbers alone, I have a much greater opportunity of being more involved in my grandchildren’s lives. 

Yet, there are many new factors today.

We no longer live in one community. In fact, we are sometimes lucky to live in the same state or even the same country. At the turn of the century, the vast majority of grandchildren could walk to see their grandparents. Today families are spread throughout the country and throughout the world more than ever before. New technology and faster and more efficient transportation help us to stay in touch. Szinovacz stated (1998); “The cost of travel and or telephone calls may be prohibitive for some older adults, thus limiting strong bonding relationships (p.136). Economics often prohibit only but a few of taking full advantage of this technology.

It is also a known fact that today’s grandparents live much longer. Our life expectancies continue to grow but even more important we are living healthy active lives well into our 80’s and 90’s. The medical improvements we now have grown to expect have provided us with longer lives to actively be involved with our children and grandchildren and perhaps even our great grandchildren. With both parents working and the tremendous shortage of the general labor force, we are needed even more. 

2. What is the Role of the Grandparents Today?

Dr. Lillian Carson states (1996), “As grandparents, we have the advantage of looking back and remembering what it was like for us as we traveled through life’s stages, the stages our children and grandchildren are in now. The hindsight we enjoy is called wisdom”(p.72). Wisdom is a culmination of experiences. 

We have spent our whole life collecting experiences for ourselves. Why can’t we help others through our own experiences? Who could do this best? The world is full of hard knocks, why not have someone take some bumps out of the road for us? With our children and especially our grandchildren, we have an opportunity to learn from our experiences. Wouldn’t it be nice if our grandchildren could somehow learn from our bumps and not have to experience them directly? Why can’t our children and especially our grandchildren be taught to avoid many of the difficulties we experienced? If only we could just take the time to teach them. 

Aldrich states (1991), “The torch we pass on to our grandchildren will light the way to the future. A good future requires that they learn the lessons of the past and avoid the mistakes we made” (p.12).

Selma Wessermann has this to say about her grandmother (1996), “It was from my grandmother that I learned the most important things about myself-that I was loved and therefore lovable. I learned that I was appreciated even though I had flaws, that I was special” (p.3).

Carson states it this way (1996); “Children inherit not only the legacies that their elders impart but also the void that is left by what they withhold (p. 209). So, if we do not share our stories, we leave a void that may never be filled. We honor our ancestors by passing on the knowledge we have learned from them. When we are actively involved in our grandchildren’s lives and hear their expressions, their human experiences and stories, we contribute to the ongoing river of life. This river of live continues on as a replica of our own life and a legacy to those that follow. 

Woodward states that the role of the grandparent is extremely important. He cites the quote by Hillary Clinton, “It takes a village” and changes it to say (1997), “It takes a whole village to replace a single grandparent. Indeed in terms of emotional commitment, grandparents are infinitely more precious to grandchildren than a whole village full of babysitters, child-development specialists, day-care centers and after-school programs” (p. 81).

Wassermann also asked a number of children to tell about what their ideal grandma would be like (1996). The following is a list of their quotes:

• My ideal grandma would tell me things like where space ends (p.31).
• My ideal grandma would have time for me. We would do puzzles together (p.45).
• We would go to the store and buy sunglasses (p.65).
• My ideal grandmother would explain things like why birds don’t need raincoats (p.75).
• My ideal grandma would read to me (p.83).
• My ideal grandma would have time to explain things to me and tell about her life (p.153).
• I think a grandma would be nice and strong. She would help me. She would love me (p.185).
• My ideal grandmother would talk to me on the computer whenever we wanted (p.221).Arthur Kornhaber lists the following 10 reasons for Grandparent power;
  Living ancestor and family historian
  Role model on how to age
  Teacher
  Mentor
  Student of the grandchild
  Nurturer
  Genie; spoiling the grandchild with unconditional love (and your child) 
  Crony; pal, secret conspirator
  Wizard; indulge in your child’s fantasies
  Hero (pp.90-103).

I especially liked Kornhaber’s idea of being a role model on how to age. As I think back of older people my first example that comes to mind is my grandmother. She lived a long life and I believe I will live a long life as a result. 

How much is this worth to me? It gives me confidence that I will have a long life to grow and learn. To me that means I can go back to school and recycle my life many times over. It is very difficult to put a price on such a belief. So can we really be examples of how to grow old happy? Can we help our children learn their value? Can we somehow pass on the beliefs that we have about the value of life? I believe we can do all these things and find new energy for ourselves in the process.

3. Values and Legacy

Everyone, sooner or later, will end up asking ourselves questions about our own existence. By answering these and other questions we can find some of the meaning of life. The following are some of the big questions:

• How do I want to be remembered? 
• What is the reason I have been placed on this Earth? 
• What is my reason for being? 
• What is worth doing and is it worth doing well?
• What heritage or family values and traditions do I want to pass on?
• What stories will my children tell about me after I am no 
  longer walking on this earth?

According to Lillian Carson (1996), “Writing your life’s story becomes a powerful emotional experience. The review of your own life is a meaningful and priceless gift”(p.57). As we ask ourselves these questions, we recall the story of our life. We can record a capsule of history that, if written, will forever tell of your legacy and heritage. 

Barry Baines took this idea of legacy and heritage and created a resource kit called The Ethical Will Resource Kit. In addition to answering some of the questions I have already mentioned, he asked some additional questions (1999): “What are your life experiences? What are your dreams? What are some of your greatest accomplishments? What are some of the lessons you learned in life”?(p.4)

As I wrote my own legacy (see Appendix) I began to see how the answering of these questions could be an excellent accompaniment to a financial will. Every few years, we’re expected to update our financial wills but most of us never think of recording an ethical will and using it, as a supplement to our financial will. The cost of an ethical will is the time it will take for you to write it-this is a small price to pay for a simple biography of one’s life. 

According to Maximilam Szinovacs, men tend to answer these questions a little differently from women. (1998) “Grandfathers focus more on money, schooling and jobs whereas grandmothers deal with more emotional and interpersonal issues that are often family related” (p. 118). Therefore it would be necessary for both the man and the woman to write their own ethical wills.
Ernie Sandy, in his workshops on Indian Folklore teaches stories about the Seven Teachings of the Grandfathers. He lists the seven values as follows: (1998)

1.  “Wisdom
2.  Love
3.  Respect
4.  Bravery
5.  Honesty
6.  Humility
7.  Truth” (7 teachings p.1)

Whenever one faces the difficult questions in life, ultimately you will need to go back to your roots to find the answers. I find that when ever these questions align with our values, we feel good about ourselves and when they are not we are ultimatley unhappy. Too many times we never bother to take the time to see if we are in alignment. I suggest by writing your ethical will you will gain better balance about what is important and live your life the way you want to live it.

4. Two Parts of our Legacy
There are two parts of sharing legacy
   4A. Financial Legacy
   4B. Non-financial Legacy

4A. Financial Legacy

How do you give your gifts to your grandchildren and do it fairly? How do we give money, real estate, jewelry, paintings. clothes, anything? 

Lawyers earn a great deal of money helping to solve these questions each day. According to Carson, it’s important to give gifts(1996) “Yes by all means, give gifts to your grandchildren without worry that you’re spoiling them. Presents is a grandparents middle name… Every little treat says, “I think you’re special” and deepens your ties (p.161). 

Giving gifts isn’t necessarily about money and possessions. What you give is a symbol of how you love them and how much you care. Carson also has this advise about giving gifts (1996), “We need to spend half as much money and twice as much time with our children (p.165).

When giving gifts to your children there are some primary issues we should be concerned with. Condon shares the following; (1995)

1. Keeping track of lifetime gifts among your grandchildren
2. Be aware of losing control over the assets you gift to your grandchildren
3. There is always the possiblity your grandchild may mismanage the gift(p.225).

Gifting your money effectively can save your grandchildren hundreds of dollars. Under the current law, you are entitled to give up to $10,000 tax free per year to anyone of your choice. You can always give more but it will be subject to a heavy gift tax. Condon states (1995), “The general rule is for each $10,000 annual Exclusion Gift you make, you save your children $4-5,000 in death taxes” (p.226). 

One of the questions faced by millions of Americans each day is what do I do if I give away all my money and than I get sick and need it back? This is a difficult question that requires a great deal of consideration. Various trusts can be established that may benefit you now. It’s very important that you work with an estate planner and an attorney to see what plan may best meet your particular needs. The best time to do this is when you are still young as some trusts take years to fully mature.

Condon goes on to say how important it is to involve your children and grandchildren in the planning. He states (1995), “A full frank discussion between you and your children about your inheritance plan is the foremost tool in avoiding inheritance problems”(p.350).

4B. Non-financial Legacy
After completing the study of our values, we are now ready to choose activities that can foster these values. One of the frustration grandparents often ask is, “What will I do with the kids, I don’t have any idea of what they want to do!” 

Children are full of life and are in a unique position to share their energetic life with anyone. I love it when they share their energy with me. When I am around them, I become like a child myself. I crawl around on the floor, make strange sounds and get more exercise than I normally would in walking eighteen holes of golf. It is in giving that we receive and I get revitalized when I am with them. Dr. Carson states(1996), “You are in a unique position to make a difference in your grandchildren’s lives, and by doing so you will open a door to personal fulfillment and successful aging”(p.X1V). She also states (1996), “Opening ourselves to the wonders of childhood means entering the child’s world. By getting in touch of the “child within” we can free ourselves and own imagination” (p.10).

One thing we need to remember is that the activity is not the final outcome we are trying to accomplish. Its the passing of our values that counts. The activity provides the playground that we use to pass on our true values. Our values will be assimilated into the process. They will breathe our name. My grandfather Michael always carried Juicy Fruit gum in the top of his bib overalls and all the grandchildren new that. Still today, Juicy Fruit gum represents my grandfather Michael. Foster Cline has a wonderful quote about the trees and how they remember(1994), “The trees in the street are old trees, that remember your grandparents name”(p.47) Our children will remember us through the heritage activities that we practice and the values we represent. 

When planning your activities, it’s best to keep them simple. What your grandchild really wants is time with you.

Richard Smith has this to say about communicating with your grandchild (1999):

• Accept your grandchild’s feelings…Take your grandchild’s feelings seriously.
• Try not to pressure your grandchild. Don’t let them feel guilty for not spending time with you.
• Avoid being critical. Try not to compare children to their parents or to your other grandchildren.
• Take your grandchild’s concerns seriously. Listen carefully to what your grandchild is saying and then respond to his/her questions (p. 4).

Start a relationship with your grandchildren when they are very young. Its also important to remember to plan your activities well in advance in order to work effectively with the parents. Working with the parents on any plans you make is the best way to ensure that you will be given another opportunity in the future. Parents also need freedom. You can provide them some freedom for themselves and this will never be forgotten. Cline states(1994), “The best service grandparents can provide for parents is support and affirmation in the presence of their children”(p.149).

• Rosemary Dalton had the best suggestions for activities to spend with your grandchildren. The following are some of her ideas(1990):
• Bug Box; You need a clear plastic jar, a magnifying glass and a good book on insects and you’re set(p.11).
• Pint Size Mechanic: Buy an old clock or bathroom scales at a garage sale. Provide a tray or basket to put things in. Give him/her a screwdriver, pliers and let them take it apart(p.42).
• Button Sort; sort the buttons by color, size or material(p.42).
• Nails Screws Nuts and Bolts; let the children sort them into containers(p.43).
• Family Album; Gather together some old pictures and let them put them together in a photo album (p.45).
• Appliance Box House; Get a large box for an indoor house. Cut a door and window and let the children use crayon and paint for details(p.51).
• Birdhouse; Many woodworking projects can be set aside and worked on the next time they come for a visit(p.71).
• Photography; give a child a throw away camera. Let them take any pictures they want. Make your own album, decorate the cover and make notations and labels(p.73).
• Rock Collection; Invest in a rock tumbler. Use them for a key chain or jewelry or trading with their friends(p.74).
• Dolls from rags; Copy a picture of a horse from a folded piece of paper. Sew up the edges. Turn the animal inside out. Stuff it with scraps and sew the opening. Use buttons and scraps and yarn for details(p.77).
• Treasure Chest; Everyone should have a box of things children can look in when they come to explore; rocks, shells, coins, purses, billfolds, jewelry, dress up clothes, photo albums and makeup(p.129).
• Family Tree; This project can be simple or very complex. Make a three-hole bindery of your family tree with sections of information about your family members(p.133).
• Family Mural; paint a family mural on a large piece of paper(p.141).
• Popcorn Painting; Make popcorn into mosaics. Color the popcorn with water colors or food coloring. Trace an outline of an object, tree animal or bird. Spread glue on and glue the popcorn(p.102).

Distance relationships with your grandchildren can be difficult but not impossible. Email is now readily available in most households. It’s so easy to design and send a card by email or a letter and it can arrive the same day. Grandparents might need to be more creative in their activities. Dr. Kornhaber suggests the following list of activites that parents can suggest to the grandparents (1994): 

• Create a height chart decorated with drawings and send it yearly on their birthday.
• Create a colage about what grandparents mean to him or her
• Frame a child’s artwork for a special gift
• When a child is born, send handprints and footprints(p.180).

Dr. Kornhaber also suggest some activities that grandparents can send to their grandchildren (1994):

• Plant a tree in honor of the child and send pictures to show how tall it has grown.
• Write a message on a balloon and send it to them. Share favorite recipes
• Find a picture of your grandchild’s parents, enlarge it and send it to them for their birthday
• Send mementos to explain the history of your family. Go to children’s movies and share your story with them.
• Send your grandchildren a subscription to a magazine
• Send jokes
• Find a common hobby or interest(pp.181-182).

Children long to spend time with their grandparents. When children are young, it’s often difficult to spend private time with them alone. As they become teenagers they are involved in more school activities and have difficulty often getting away. Cline has this to say about trips (1994), “Trips together with grandchildren are best planned around the ages of 6-10 years of age”(p.61)

All of these activities are opportunities for grandparents to share themselves and their values. Children are fascinated by stories of your past and they love to hear stories of when you were young. Frequent letters by mail can build the relationship even when you aren’t there. Personal telephone calls to your grandchild shows that you care. Wasserman has this to say about phone calls (1996), “When on the telephone, I say I love you and he says without coaching from an adult, “I love you too Grandma”, I am rich! These feelings fill my heart like a treasure to hoard. It breathes life into the cold hard winter”(pp.26-27)

4. Conclusions on Grandparenthood: Legacy and Heritage

1. We can only leave a legacy if we know where we are going and what we intend to accomplish. 
2. The role of the grandparent in our country has gone through a great change in this century but the opportunities are still there for the creative, resourceful grandparent.
3. Its not the activity with our grandchild that is important but the quality of time that is spent together.
4. There are many wonderful activities we can use to share the values we wish to pass on to our ancestry.
5. Creating an ethical will can go a long way in becoming clear on what your legacy is and what you would like to share with future generations.
6. We can save our children thousands of dollars in inheritance taxes by early estate planning. 
7. We will build bonds with our children by spending time with them.

Book References
Aldrich, R. & Austin G. (1991). Grandparenting For The 90’s: Parenting Is Forever. Escondido, CA: Robert Erdman Publishing.

Carson, L., (1996). The Essential Grandparent: A Guide to Making a Difference. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.

Cline, F. & Fay, J. (1994). Grandparenting with Love and Logic: Practical Solutions to Today’s Grandparenting Challenges. Golden, CO: Love and Logic Press.

Condon, G., & Condon, J. (1995). Beyond the Grave the Right Way and the Wrong way of Leaving Money to Your Children (and others). New York City, NY: Harper Collins. 

Dalton, R. & Dalton, P., (1990). The Encyclopedia of Grandparenting: Hundreds of Ideas to Entertain Your Grandchildren. Leandro, CA: Bristol Publishing.

Elkind, D. (1990). Grandparenting/Understanding Today’s Children. Glenview, IL: Scott Foresman and Company.

Kornhaber, A (1994). Grandparent Power. New York City, NY: Random House.

Kornhaber, A. (1996). Contemporary Grandparenting. New York City, NY: Random House.

Raynor, D (1977). Grandparents around the World. Canada: George M. McLead Ltd.

Szinovacz, M. (1998). Handbook on Grandparenthood. Westport, CT: Greenwood Press.

Wassermann, S., (1996). How to Stay Close to Distant Grandchildren: The Long Distance Grandmother. Point Roberts, WA: Hartley and Marks Publishers.

Journal

Woodward, K (1997). The Great Ages of Discovery. Newsweek, 
V129 (Spring/Summer), p80 (5).

Brochure

Josaba Ltd. (4/1998). The Ethical Will Resource Kit [Brochure]. Minneapolis, MN: Barry Baines.
Website
Sandy, E. (1999). The Seven Teachings of the Grandfathers. Retrieved June 21,1999 from the World Wide Web http://www.banac.barrie.connex.net/members/bearsandottert/7teachings.htm

Smith, R. & Erickson, R. (1999). Building and Maintaining a Strong Relationship with Your Grandchild. Retrieved June 21, 1999 from the World Wide Web: http://pebco.org/page 4.htm

Appendix

                                                    Don Schmitz’ Ethical Will

September 2, 1999
Dear Jeff, Andrew and Ted and Grandchildren; 

Purpose

It is my hope in writing my ethical will that I will be able to record for posterity some of my values and visions for the future. I hope this will help each of you as you plan and carry out your life. In my studies of leaving a legacy, I was reminded how important it is for parents and grandparents to share and record what is important to them. For posterity’s sake, I have attempted to record some of my experiences and what I believe in, some history of what I have done with my life, and lessons I have learned along the way.
                                                              Introduction
· 
I want you, my family, to know how important you all are in my life and how much I love you. A better life for you than what we had was always our goal. Sometimes, as a parent, we tried to protect you from falls and hurts. These hurts occurred throughout life; from the time you first started to walk, or ride around the block on your big wheels, to bicycles and finally cars. At the same time, your mother and I wanted you to be independent and stand up for yourself when obstacles would get in your way. There was never anything in our lives that equaled having the three of you for our sons (yes not even the grandchildren, though they sure are nice too!) We’ve always wanted the best for each of you and helped you as much as we possibly could. How proud I have always been to have you for my sons! 

A. Some of my Experiences as a Child

My Trip to see Mary Reuvers

One of the experiences I remember as a little boy was when I went to see Mary Reuvers. I believe I was about 5 years old. This particular day my sister Carol and brother Bill were gone to school. I was lonesome for friendship and always was longing for adventure. This is the first experience I recall doing something all by myself and oh how proud I was that mom let me do it. 

I remember it like yesterday, walking along kicking the stones while walking down the hill. Lassie, our dog, kept following me wanting to come along but I had to send him home a couple times.
I remember walking up the driveway and being greeted by Mary. It was the way she greeted me that I will never forget. She was so excited to see me and she treated me special. She had this big smile and open arms. She also had a strange accent; different from anyone I had ever heard, from the old country my dad used to say. I remember how her house even had a different smell than ours. Later I learned it was the smell of a wood burning stove.

Mary sat down and talked with me and showed me pictures of her family. It was as if time stood still. She really enjoyed talking to me. I remember how especially proud she was of her daughter who was studying to be a Notre Dame Sister. Mary took a picture of me that day and I felt so special that she took a picture of me all by myself. 
She later gave that picture to my parents. Today, I have that very picture on a counter in our living room.

Taffy and the Fair

Another experience I recall was taking my calf, Taffy, to the Rice County Fair. Taffy was about six months old when we started her training. We later learned that at six months, she was already too old to be trained effectively to take to the fair. 

Taffy had a lot of spunk, but Dad always referred to it as “stubbornness”. Taffy never learned to walk around with me using a halter but instead she dragged me around but I persisted. 

My brother Bill also took a calf to the fair. Her name was Tuffy. She was a much more mild-mannered calf and easier to train. It was a real big thing that we were given this opportunity because it took a lot of time away from the chores and yet for some reason Dad allowed it? As I look back on this, it’s still a real surprise. 

When the fair arrived, Bill’s calf got a blue ribbon but mine got a red. I was so disappointed but excited at the same time because I got invited to take Taffy back to another show the next day. I remember Dad talking to me that night and that he would even come and watch me in the ring! 
The next day was a disaster! As soon as I got Taffy into the show ring she got scared and ran away. I felt like such a failure especially with my dad being there. 
We were never allowed to take calves to the fair again. As hard as this experience was I learned a lot about life. I learned how difficult life can sometimes be and that you don’t always get everything you want in life even if you work hard. Somehow I have continued despite my short-term failures.

Marbles

When I was about eight years old I remember playing marbles at school. Mom had made me a bag out of scraps with a drawstring at the top, I was so proud of it. 

Someone had determined that “Cat’s Eyes and Steelies” were the most valuable marbles. Bill and I discovered that Steelies were nothing more than ball bearings. 

One day we took apart some old machinery and found a couple really big steelys to use as shooters. I remember how excited I was going to school and how long school was that morning until recess. That day, I won all kinds of marbles from Jim Walsh and Tom Merrill, two of my classmates. When I came home with all the marbles Bill and mom couldn’t believe it. Oh how proud I was of myself. 

B. Things That I Value

As I stated earlier, I value my three sons a great deal but there is someone who even comes before the three of you and that is your mother, Mary. 

Mary and I met in Mankato when she was nineteen and I was twenty. We were wild about each other from the very start. I remember how cute she was and what a gorgeous smile she had. We shared some wonderful times and some rocky times over the years. Marriage is not an easy thing but persistence kept us together over all those years.

Another thing that helped keep us together was prayer. Prayer can be extremely powerful. 
But I can’t forget either how important going to others for help was for us. We would have never survived without counseling. In marriage you both don’t grow at the same time. Sometimes you need to wait for your partner to grow through a stage and other times he or she will need to wait for you, but if you can have the patience, you will be a better person for it.

The following are some of the highlights I am most proud of in my life: 

• Getting my college degree
• Having a strong faith
• Having Mary and Leo Marso as my in-laws.
• Having the three of you early in our marriage
• Teaching school for twenty years
• Being chosen “Teacher of the Year in 1984”
• Getting my Masters and Specialist Degree in Education
• Owning our three homes in Cottage Grove
• Being your basketball coach
  Reading books to all of you 
• Teaching you our faith
• Being friendly to all we come in contact with
• Involvement in the community; Chambers, Teaching Organizations and the Youth Service Bureau 
• St. Rita’s Church (Co-Chair of the building expansion committee for our church) -Receiving the “Service to Youth Award” from the Youth Service Bureau in 1999
• My ten years with Jeane Thorne and the part I played in the growing the business
• Buying and rebuilding our current home at 285 Summit in St. Paul.
• Our three grandchildren 
• Learning to play the guitar
• Having built a strong financial background for the future
• Working on another degree in Human Development from St. Mary’s

C. Things I Believe in

Strong families and the need to stay together: As I’ve grown older I continue to value the family more and more. I enjoyed my study of the Genealogy of our family. It’s my hope that someone will continue my work and maintain our family information in the years to come.

The power of education: How important it was for your Mom and me to help you get college degrees. We’ve always been extremely proud of your educational accomplishments. I believe that any dollars spent on education comes back fourfold in your lifetime.

Parents should read to their children: I remember how special it was for me to be able to hold you on my lap and read to you. As a former first grade teacher, teaching you to read came so natural. The three of you have all grown to be better readers and writers than I am and I know that it’s rooted in our times spent together when you were very young.

Follow your heart: People must follow their heart in what they want out of life. Money doesn’t always come hand in hand with what your heart tells you, but in the end it will benefit you the most.

Helping the poor: We have a responsibility to help others who are less fortunate.

Taking time to smell the roses: One of the keys to raising a wonderful family was taking family vacations. We saved and saved our money and financially it was always difficult, but the experiences we shared were never forgotten. I especially remember our vacation to Washington DC, our trip to California, our eventful car ride through Sweden when Jeff was getting married, our many trips to Disney and our meals at the cabin.

Ongoing education throughout life: We can never allow ourselves to stop growing. The world is so big and there is so much to see and do.

Respecting our land: I have been so lucky to be raised in this beautiful country. Respect of the land and its beauty is one of our responsibilities. I love flowers and plants and golf courses for their beauty. This is one area where man has been able to improve the beauty of the earth.

Raising children: I believe children should be raised in a strong faith. I have found over the years that a strong faith is something that will stand the test of time. As you grow, you may choose to change your faith, but having a strong faith as a child cannot be replicated.

A strong healthy body: I believe in exercise and eating carefully and caring for the only body we have. It’s also important to get annual examinations and getting proper rest.

A life of your own: 

I also believe in talking time for yourself. My trips to Canada for fishing always left me more thankful for the life I had and the people in it. A good movie or book can provide a real welcome break as well. Daily walks and meditation are but one more way of appreciating all that you have. 

D. Lesson’s I have learned

Everyone must live their own life in their own way, as their values would have them live. Any variation of this is just a short-term diversion. Telling others how to live their life is not in anyone’s job description. 

People do change. I’ve seen many wonderful changes made by people who are willing to continue to grow.

Finding a career you are proud of is very difficult but worth the search. You may need to try many different careers during your life. Don’t be afraid of change, it’s one of the things that can help keep young at heart.

I compare us sometimes to a computer. Every once in a while we need to get rid of the old computer and start new. No matter how much you tweak the old one, it is still old. One of the things I loved about my life was the fact that I had many successful jobs that I enjoyed.

Have your children when you are young. Children are very exhausting and can best be handled when you are young.

Keep listening. You learn nothing while you are talking.

When raising your children, don’t worry about all the little stuff. It’s not what people say that matters; it’s what they do. Love your children, let them know you love them unconditionally and everything else will work out with the grace of God.

Be thankful for all the gifts of life. Life isn’t fair and each of you has different gifts. God knew what he was doing and who are you to question him?

E. Things that had a big impact on my life

Mary Marso, your grandmother, was a very special lady who helped me greatly to believe in myself and to believe in the value of prayer. She loved me unconditionally. I hope you can say that about us.
Sr. Michelle was my American History teacher at Bethlehem Academy. She always believed in me and encouraged me to make the most of myself.

Being chosen Teacher of the year in Cottage Grove was a wonderful thing for me. It meant so much to me I felt compelled to find new ways to reward others. There are far more awards that need to be given. I encourage you to make it your business to give lots of awards in life, both formal and informal.

The death of Mary’s parents at such a young age had a tremendous influence on Mary and a large influence on me as well. They were such good people who always gave time to anyone in need. They are good examples for you to follow. Your grandmother expected a lot of her children and her children worked hard to live up to her expectations. What does that say for you and your children?

Being the father of three wonderful boys was one of the most special things in my life. I miss all of you even now when I write this. Your mother and I spent so much time enjoying all of you and we still do. One regret is not having all of you closer, geographically, so we could drop by to see you (and you to us). I always wished I could have helped you more and just “be” with you. I especially enjoyed our fishing trips together.

F. Wishes for the future

You will each find a mate that will love you, be the mother of your children and grow with you throughout your life.

I hope that my new career working with grandparents will be successful. I’ve spent a great deal of time preparing for it and believe it has great value.

I want you to have the chance to have children of your own and to experience the love they can bring into your life. I also hope you get to know your grandchildren and share with them your legacy and heritage. Family is so important!

Respect your time alone. I believe you need your own time and space. Be supportive of yourself and your own ideas. Take time to nurture them and develop them to the fullest. Always remember that your parents are here and we will always be here in mind or in body to support you every step of the way. Once a parent, you are always a parent.

I hope we will be able to live into our 80’s. I want to be healthy and be able to travel to visit you wherever you may live.

I also hope we will be able to continue to help you financially and what we give you and your children will be respected and used to develop more of your talent to the fullest. 

Last I pray that Mary and I will continue to love each other and bring happiness to each other.

G. Conclusion

Thank you for your love and being my children and Grandchildren and your support of me as your Grandfather through the years. I love you very much and unconditionally will continue to love you as long as I live no matter what my change in our future.

You have been a great source of joy and strength. Thank you for being my heirs.

Love,
Dad and Grandfather